Not my will, but Yours be done...
So often we find ourselves playing it safe in our walk with the Lord. A few years ago I was there. Desiring to do the will of God but staying safe, not really moving forward. Many times we want to do the will of God but don't clearly hear or understand it. Finding myself in such a place I began to press in. I began to spend time really studying the Word, learning of his ways, who he is, and what is meant by the will of God.
He led me to verse 37:4 of Psalms. Delight thyself in the Lord; and he shall give you the desires of thine heart. He wants us to not only spend time with him but to delight ourselves in Him. Sometimes that takes persistance. When we love someone we want to spend time with them, we want to understand them and we enjoy their company. At first it was hard to understand why he would want to spend time with me. But the more time together, the more he revealed himself and the depth of his love for me. He began to reveal that he loves us so much that he will pursue a relationship with us. That deep longing to know him, to fill that void that he created, is actually him pursuing. Now I cannot get enough. That is the call of my heart, to help others find the one who pursues us.
Because of my failures and shortcomings though, I felt inadequate to speak into the lives of others. Don't Christians have it all together? I thought. Then he spoke to my heart 1 Corinthians 1:26 -29. For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak thinks of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence. Basically, I am one of the foolish things, chosen to speak of His redemption and great love to a lost and hurting people.
My greatest desire is to share the heart of God. Speaking His words so that others might experience His deep, passionate love for them. When I asked the Lord how I was to share with others He re-kindled a passion to write. But as I began to blog and re-visit life experiences and trials I found myself pouring out every detail that wasn't necessary to share the heart of it. Although my blogging experience is minimal, it did introduce me to the Proverbs 31 ministry where the Lord blessed me immensely. After reading a few of them I subscribed to the daily devotionals. One day while praying about how to clealy put my thoughts down I asked Him how He would have me write, and within moments ran across a very timely blog with a contest to win a scholarship to a writer/speaker training conference which was exactly what my heart's prayer had been.
This brings forth the topic of the "She Speaks" conference being held July, 2010. My heart's desire is to attend this conference as I believe I could glean many valuable tools and fully explore exactly what area of ministry or ministries best suit the gifts and passions that the Lord has given me.
It would be such a blessing to receive a scholarship and I pray the Lord would allow this special training to expand the horizon of my limited perspective. Thank you as well, for the pre-formatted letter of request for donations for the conference for those who may not receive a scholarship.
Thank you for your consideration in this matter.
May the Lord richly bless you and those who attend and may He cause His face to shine upon you!