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Saturday, October 9, 2010

You see through to the heart of me...

From the tears of my own confession
That flowed with the touch of His kiss
It was this
His caress, His compassion
That compelled me
To journey deep inside
Where all the beauty of forgiveness hides
Asleep and silent, still
Until aroused and summoned at His will.

At times it seemed I journeyed all alone.
'Twas I that lost my way.
For faith and trust eluded me
And fear engulfed me
In a darkness so profound
That all my senses rose then fell
And mocked me with their falsehoods.
Then died to temporal things
In silence, without a sound.

Yet, in this darkest midnight,
My only light, that of my heart's desires,
My every substance melted by its fire,
I recognized the Stranger, my Beloved,
My Companion through the years.
For sense and intellect were gone.
In His eternity of forgiveness,
My faith grew strong, my fears grew dim
And there was nothing, nothing, nothing.
Only Him.

BWS (taken from The Hidden Life,
Revelations from a Holy Journey)

Friday, October 8, 2010


For those of you who applied for a scholarship for the "She Speaks" conference and were like me, rushing to your email to find whether were one of the "chosen" ones. We all prayed, we all thought maybe this was the Lord's will for us, we all believed deep down that maybe, just maybe we could be chosen, then we opened our email and devastation hit. Then for some, the enemy would encourage us to succumb to the thoughts that God only works for certain people, or that we are not good enough, or that we may never have the opportunity to use anything for the Lord's work. Be of good cheer, He isn't finished with you yet!

Before I opened my email, I prayed and the familiar words of the song: Father of lights you delight in your children, every good and perfect gift comes from you. Somewhere inside of me I am not sure I really believed I had the possibility of winning but I felt led to the invitation to apply for the conference and the Lord made the way for me to get a blog posted even when I was unsure that I had anything of value to write and only His urging to do so.

But then a thought crossed my mind, the entire scholarship offer was the catalyst to actually posting and connecting with other bloggers. People had read something I posted...I can't even tell you how much that blessed my heart! It isn't about the training, or money or my works, it is about reaching the hearts of other women and that possibility was not shut down just because we were not awarded a scholarship. What a blessing for those who were awarded the scholarship, but for those who were not, do not discouraged, maybe we will be able to afford it later or maybe He provided another way, or maybe it will be a reality next year.

I am praying for all of you, that the Lord will lift your spirits, and your countenance, and He will cause His face to shine upon, wherever you are, whatever you are doing, however He chooses to bless you with good gifts!

Thursday, September 16, 2010


"Ever the place my sustenance fill, ever your heart my spirit prevails."

This sentence was placed on my heart in the wee hours of the morning before I had even woken up, one of the few times in a day when my spirit is quiet enough to hear his voice. He is so direct and to the point, something I have not mastered. May it bless you as it has blessed me.

the place - His dwelling place (my body, our temple)

sustenance - patience, endurance, one's means of livelihood, maintenance, support, that which sustains life, nourishment, food.

prevail - to gain mastery or advantage over or of, to be victorious, triumph;(often with, over or against.) To produce or achieve the desired effect, be effective or succeed.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Martha, Martha, Martha

This week I have found myself worried about a great many things. Just to name a few; How can I make up for my failings as a parent now that my children are adults? Will we be stuck in this limbo land forever? Will you really do those things you promised? Will I be the kind of grandparent that my mom is to my children? Will I be able to survive a serious trial? Will I ever be healed? Do you love me? Why?

In answer to my worries the Lord gently spoke to my heart through various means. No, He didn't give me answers to all my questions but He did bring a teaching into my life that brought some much needed perspective and He renewed my hope with His neverending supply of enduring mercy.

The last week has been kind of rough. Everyday except one, I awoke to being consumed by a migraine. So last night was Wednesday and we usually would go to church but we decided to stay home and just watch a "His Channel" streaming video instead. We chose Bob McCoy and I am sure it was coincidence that his teaching covered worrying and some real life perspective. Funny how someone can speak a God inspired teaching and impact so many lives and we all think it just a coincidence that it speaks so directly to our individual heart. God is funny like that. He even talked about how we don't want to be inconvenienced by having to go church again because it's crowded or we don't feel good but every minute 5,000 children die because they don't have enough clean drinking water. We in America have it so good we don't even have a clue what true struggling is. He is right. I wouldn't have died to go to church, I would have been slightly inconvenienced. Yes, I had a migraine, but the point was not about just going to church. Church is for the building up of the body of Christ, so that we might be better equipped to reach the lost, to bring the lost in, to encourage others, but we have made it our Christian duty to attend church just to prove we are Christians. I fear we have forgotten what it is really about.

He also asked the question of "do we just worry about stuff or do we take our worry to the Lord?" I like to think I take my worry to the Lord, but I don't usually tell Him I am worried. Many of us have heard the Mary, Martha story but last night when my usual Bible reading was covering the story and it really hit home.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her." Luke 10:38-42 NIV

My prayer is that I would choose what is better, and I am thankful that it will not be taken away from me.

Lord, help me to sit at your feet and not worry about the things of this world. Help me to choose what is better when I find myself worried about a great many things. Help me to be a Mary in a Martha world.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

She Speaks Conference

Not my will, but Yours be done...

So often we find ourselves playing it safe in our walk with the Lord. A few years ago I was there. Desiring to do the will of God but staying safe, not really moving forward. Many times we want to do the will of God but don't clearly hear or understand it. Finding myself in such a place I began to press in. I began to spend time really studying the Word, learning of his ways, who he is, and what is meant by the will of God.

He led me to verse 37:4 of Psalms. Delight thyself in the Lord; and he shall give you the desires of thine heart. He wants us to not only spend time with him but to delight ourselves in Him. Sometimes that takes persistance. When we love someone we want to spend time with them, we want to understand them and we enjoy their company. At first it was hard to understand why he would want to spend time with me. But the more time together, the more he revealed himself and the depth of his love for me. He began to reveal that he loves us so much that he will pursue a relationship with us. That deep longing to know him, to fill that void that he created, is actually him pursuing. Now I cannot get enough. That is the call of my heart, to help others find the one who pursues us.

Because of my failures and shortcomings though, I felt inadequate to speak into the lives of others. Don't Christians have it all together? I thought. Then he spoke to my heart 1 Corinthians 1:26 -29. For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak thinks of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence. Basically, I am one of the foolish things, chosen to speak of His redemption and great love to a lost and hurting people.

My greatest desire is to share the heart of God. Speaking His words so that others might experience His deep, passionate love for them. When I asked the Lord how I was to share with others He re-kindled a passion to write. But as I began to blog and re-visit life experiences and trials I found myself pouring out every detail that wasn't necessary to share the heart of it. Although my blogging experience is minimal, it did introduce me to the Proverbs 31 ministry where the Lord blessed me immensely. After reading a few of them I subscribed to the daily devotionals. One day while praying about how to clealy put my thoughts down I asked Him how He would have me write, and within moments ran across a very timely blog with a contest to win a scholarship to a writer/speaker training conference which was exactly what my heart's prayer had been.

This brings forth the topic of the "She Speaks" conference being held July, 2010. My heart's desire is to attend this conference as I believe I could glean many valuable tools and fully explore exactly what area of ministry or ministries best suit the gifts and passions that the Lord has given me.

It would be such a blessing to receive a scholarship and I pray the Lord would allow this special training to expand the horizon of my limited perspective. Thank you as well, for the pre-formatted letter of request for donations for the conference for those who may not receive a scholarship.

Thank you for your consideration in this matter.

May the Lord richly bless you and those who attend and may He cause His face to shine upon you!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


Many times we make decisions and never consider the repercussions of consequences. We believe that our decisions are our own but that is really the furthest thing from the truth. Decisions have results that spread out like ripples in a pond. Have you ever a thrown a rock into a pond? It creates hundreds of ripples. So too, decisions can have hundreds of consequences. Many decisions made in haste in my younger days have returned to me as ripples of consequences that cannot be undone. Today I was hit with a tidal wave of a ripple and my heart was broken. Oh how I wish I could have known those decisions carry such a heavy weight and they usually happen when I least expect them. No amount of "good living" or repentance removes those consquences and no amount of preparedness makes the blow any less painful. But I am consoled when I read the Word and see how the Lord redeems those who have blown it and even when I suffer heavy consequences, He will be there to bless me again.

We look at the lives of people in the Bible, like David and Moses and wonder how they could make such poor decisions and yet the Lord redeems them. David chose adultery with a woman who was not innocent of sin, and then the two of them conspired to murder her husband. Their consequences were to suffer the loss of a child as a result. But the Lord didn't leave them in the devastation of their consequences. We read that David fasted for three days when his child was dying but when he died then David washed and ate. We wonder why he would fast during the child's sickness but then seem to be okay when the child died. David understood that he couldn't change God's mind about consequences but he could intreat God in the hope that he would extend more mercy. When he knew the child died, he understood that not all consequences can be undone, a price has to be paid. But God did redeem David and loved David, and he did turn around and bless them with a second child, who would become a wise king, that child was Solomon.

Moses murdered an Egyptian and later God would use him to lead His people out of Egypt. (Exodus 2:12-14) He then spent 40 years leading those rebellious people through the wilderness but under the pressure of leading them he became frustrated with their rebellion, he prayed for water for the people as he had done previously and though he heard the Lord instruct him to speak to the rock and it would bring forth water, in his frustration he struck the rock instead, and in one fail swoop missed his opportunity to cross into the land that was promised them that 40 years. (Exodus 20:12) Imagine with me the remorse he must have felt from one wrong choice. The Lord later appeared in the promised land, with Moses and another prophet (during what is called the transfiguration) before His disciples Peter, James and John. So Moses was able to see the promised land before he died but was in it with the Lord during the transfiguation. (Mark 9:2-8)

I pray today that I would always to call upon the Lord first, to wait for His answers and trust Him with every decision, remembering that this too will affect others and will create ripples of consequence. I pray that the results of my choices would create consequences that bless and not bring pain.

It is so important to allow God to reveal His will for us as He has already seen the beginning from the end.

It was just a joke...

Well, I was the recipent of a really bad "joke" today and while some may have just been trying to get a reaction it left me feeling incredibly vunerable. I am all for a good joke or teasing, usually, as I grew up in a home that was submerged in that kind of thing but today showed me that what I may think is funny, may in fact cause a great deal of pain in someone else. I pray I remember today when the urge comes over me to play a joke on someone or even just try to fake something. My heart couldn't distinguish the difference and the intender probably didn't antipate the large scale reaction they received as a result. Lord help my words heal and not hurt, may they uplift and not tear down, may they be said in kindness and humility, thinking of others instead of myself. Forgive me for times I may have hurt someone when I was "just joking".

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Thought for the day...

Don’t let yesterday’s failures ruin the beauty of today....

So many times we fail to live in the beauty of God today because of past mistakes and failures. When I layed down to go to sleep last night this is what happened: I was so tired but had a desire to read the Word before I went to sleep. When I finished reading I closed my Bible and got all tucked in for a good night's sleep and the enemy began to have a field day. He started throwing my past into my thoughts and then I started feeling panic over the things I can do nothing about. I just wanted to cry and to go back to change the things I screwed up on so badly. But isn't that just like the deceiver. If he can't make you be bad he will make you feel bad about what God has forgiven and cast into the sea of forgetfulness. Micah 7:18,19

I'm not saying that my choices won't have consequences and that the pain of my choices will just go away because I am forgiven but I do have the power to claim victory in Jesus because it was for all those mistakes, choices and bad decisions that He came to this earth, to set us free from the bondage of that sin, to conquer death for all of us. I am not longer a slave to sin, but I am born anew in Christ. Romans 6:23

I can pray that He will cleanse me and teach me to walk in His truth. I am no longer condemned to death in my sin. None of us can walk perfectly enough to get to heaven, we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

So as I lay there I thanked Him for dying for me, and prayed that He would cover over my shortcomings in raising my girls. He promises that His Word will not return void, so all those times they heard the Word of God being taught and all the songs of scripture that they sang, will return to them and beckon them back to the Lord. Isaiah 55:11 (NKJV)
So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth;
It shall not return to Me void,
But it shall accomplish what I please,
And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it

I am so thankful for that. Thank you Lord, that You have conquered death and hell. Thank you for creating a good work in me (and my children), and thank you that you will be faithful to complete it in Christ Jesus. Amen (so be it).

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Isaiah 61:1-3

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion-
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.

Isaiah 61:1-3

Jesus Knows Me...This I Love

Every year at Thanksgiving it has been become a tradition for the girls of my family to get together the day following Thanksgiving to go the Christmas Bazaar. We love this day and look forward to it all year, saving our money to purchase those treasures but even more than the shopping we love to get together just us girls. We talk and laugh and just hang out.

This year I was looking forward to going even more than usual. Little did I know what the Lord had planned for me.

I purchased quite a few things, but one thing I purchased near the end of the day was a little wooden sign that had been hand painted with the following statement:

"Jesus Knows Me...This I Love."

Many of us learned the song as children,

Jesus Loves Me This I Know,
for the Bible tells me so,
little ones to Him belong,
they are weak but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me,
yes, Jesus love me,
yes, Jesus loves me,
the Bible tells me so.

It struck me hard at the Bazaar how thankful I am that Jesus loves me but even more so Jesus knows me, this I love. I had repeated it over and over to myself and was so pleased to have found this little treasure. When I got home I hung it on my wall in the kitchen and frequently walked by and read it and smiled. Yes, I am so thankful He knows me, this I love.

But that isn't the end of the story.

This morning I had been praying and I felt the Lord speaking to my heart heal you. I have been struggling with chronic back pain but more than that I have been struggling with healing in my soul, those deep down areas of pain that only the Lord knows about. I didn't understand what He meant exactly, as I had asked for healing in several areas, so I repeated it to Him and asked what He meant by that. I asked Him to stay with me on this. I had a couple of books I have been reading lately so I picked one up and began to read.

Now it had been several months since Thanksgiving and I had been in fervent study of the Word and had been really seeking the Lord on some tough issues. But that morning I was reading in a book about the woman's heart and things like romance when I stumbled upon the following paragraph and it immediately brought me to tears:

Longing for Romance

"A woman becomes beautiful when she knows she is loved....This doesn't need to come from a man...God longs to bring this into your life himself. He wants you to move beyond the childlike 'Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.' He wants to heal us through his love to become mature women who actually know him. "Therefore I am going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her" (Hos. 2:14). And "You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride" (Songs 4:9). Our hearts are desperate for this. What would it be like to experience for yourself that truest thing about his heart toward yours is not disappointment or disapproval but deep, fiery, passionate love? This is, afterall, what a woman was made for.

It was if He had just sat down beside me and put His arm around me and spoke tenderly Himself...

~ I know you, what your deepest desires are, how you need to be loved and spoken to, how desperate your heart is for love and to be known. I want to heal those deep places in your heart with My passionate love for you. I am not disappointed in you, and I long to see you mature in your walk with Me. I created you as a woman to show the reflection of My beauty and glory through your life. I know you, better than anyone and want you to know Me.

So to this I say...Jesus knows me, this I love.

Thank you Lord for healing me, though it may not seem I am healed from what I think I need, you know me and know where my heart needs healing. You alone are worthy of my praise. Cause your face to shine upon me. You're my glory, the lifter of my head. Thank you that I fearfully and wonderfully made. Thank you for seeing who I am on the inside and for healing me. Help me to want to know you more, to dig deeply into your Word and allow it to heal those broken places. Help me to know that you are not disappointed in me but that you love me deeply and passionately. Amen (so be it).

Quotes taken from the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge