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Thursday, March 25, 2010

She Speaks Conference

Not my will, but Yours be done...

So often we find ourselves playing it safe in our walk with the Lord. A few years ago I was there. Desiring to do the will of God but staying safe, not really moving forward. Many times we want to do the will of God but don't clearly hear or understand it. Finding myself in such a place I began to press in. I began to spend time really studying the Word, learning of his ways, who he is, and what is meant by the will of God.

He led me to verse 37:4 of Psalms. Delight thyself in the Lord; and he shall give you the desires of thine heart. He wants us to not only spend time with him but to delight ourselves in Him. Sometimes that takes persistance. When we love someone we want to spend time with them, we want to understand them and we enjoy their company. At first it was hard to understand why he would want to spend time with me. But the more time together, the more he revealed himself and the depth of his love for me. He began to reveal that he loves us so much that he will pursue a relationship with us. That deep longing to know him, to fill that void that he created, is actually him pursuing. Now I cannot get enough. That is the call of my heart, to help others find the one who pursues us.

Because of my failures and shortcomings though, I felt inadequate to speak into the lives of others. Don't Christians have it all together? I thought. Then he spoke to my heart 1 Corinthians 1:26 -29. For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak thinks of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence. Basically, I am one of the foolish things, chosen to speak of His redemption and great love to a lost and hurting people.

My greatest desire is to share the heart of God. Speaking His words so that others might experience His deep, passionate love for them. When I asked the Lord how I was to share with others He re-kindled a passion to write. But as I began to blog and re-visit life experiences and trials I found myself pouring out every detail that wasn't necessary to share the heart of it. Although my blogging experience is minimal, it did introduce me to the Proverbs 31 ministry where the Lord blessed me immensely. After reading a few of them I subscribed to the daily devotionals. One day while praying about how to clealy put my thoughts down I asked Him how He would have me write, and within moments ran across a very timely blog with a contest to win a scholarship to a writer/speaker training conference which was exactly what my heart's prayer had been.

This brings forth the topic of the "She Speaks" conference being held July, 2010. My heart's desire is to attend this conference as I believe I could glean many valuable tools and fully explore exactly what area of ministry or ministries best suit the gifts and passions that the Lord has given me.

It would be such a blessing to receive a scholarship and I pray the Lord would allow this special training to expand the horizon of my limited perspective. Thank you as well, for the pre-formatted letter of request for donations for the conference for those who may not receive a scholarship.

Thank you for your consideration in this matter.

May the Lord richly bless you and those who attend and may He cause His face to shine upon you!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


Many times we make decisions and never consider the repercussions of consequences. We believe that our decisions are our own but that is really the furthest thing from the truth. Decisions have results that spread out like ripples in a pond. Have you ever a thrown a rock into a pond? It creates hundreds of ripples. So too, decisions can have hundreds of consequences. Many decisions made in haste in my younger days have returned to me as ripples of consequences that cannot be undone. Today I was hit with a tidal wave of a ripple and my heart was broken. Oh how I wish I could have known those decisions carry such a heavy weight and they usually happen when I least expect them. No amount of "good living" or repentance removes those consquences and no amount of preparedness makes the blow any less painful. But I am consoled when I read the Word and see how the Lord redeems those who have blown it and even when I suffer heavy consequences, He will be there to bless me again.

We look at the lives of people in the Bible, like David and Moses and wonder how they could make such poor decisions and yet the Lord redeems them. David chose adultery with a woman who was not innocent of sin, and then the two of them conspired to murder her husband. Their consequences were to suffer the loss of a child as a result. But the Lord didn't leave them in the devastation of their consequences. We read that David fasted for three days when his child was dying but when he died then David washed and ate. We wonder why he would fast during the child's sickness but then seem to be okay when the child died. David understood that he couldn't change God's mind about consequences but he could intreat God in the hope that he would extend more mercy. When he knew the child died, he understood that not all consequences can be undone, a price has to be paid. But God did redeem David and loved David, and he did turn around and bless them with a second child, who would become a wise king, that child was Solomon.

Moses murdered an Egyptian and later God would use him to lead His people out of Egypt. (Exodus 2:12-14) He then spent 40 years leading those rebellious people through the wilderness but under the pressure of leading them he became frustrated with their rebellion, he prayed for water for the people as he had done previously and though he heard the Lord instruct him to speak to the rock and it would bring forth water, in his frustration he struck the rock instead, and in one fail swoop missed his opportunity to cross into the land that was promised them that 40 years. (Exodus 20:12) Imagine with me the remorse he must have felt from one wrong choice. The Lord later appeared in the promised land, with Moses and another prophet (during what is called the transfiguration) before His disciples Peter, James and John. So Moses was able to see the promised land before he died but was in it with the Lord during the transfiguation. (Mark 9:2-8)

I pray today that I would always to call upon the Lord first, to wait for His answers and trust Him with every decision, remembering that this too will affect others and will create ripples of consequence. I pray that the results of my choices would create consequences that bless and not bring pain.

It is so important to allow God to reveal His will for us as He has already seen the beginning from the end.

It was just a joke...

Well, I was the recipent of a really bad "joke" today and while some may have just been trying to get a reaction it left me feeling incredibly vunerable. I am all for a good joke or teasing, usually, as I grew up in a home that was submerged in that kind of thing but today showed me that what I may think is funny, may in fact cause a great deal of pain in someone else. I pray I remember today when the urge comes over me to play a joke on someone or even just try to fake something. My heart couldn't distinguish the difference and the intender probably didn't antipate the large scale reaction they received as a result. Lord help my words heal and not hurt, may they uplift and not tear down, may they be said in kindness and humility, thinking of others instead of myself. Forgive me for times I may have hurt someone when I was "just joking".